Monday, May 18, 2015

Little failures.

I was having dinner with a friend (while on the phone with Trey - I know, so tacky of me - but life with a law enforcement husband will do that to you) when she started praising me for a good dinner I had made with my husband on the phone. I felt a little vain just sort of listening to the two of them talk about me putting on a good dinner. It always feels so nice to have someone compliment your kitchen skills. Especially since in the last year or two, my biggest dream has been becoming a wife clothed in domesticity. That life never felt like it could be mine and slowly, but surely, it has been something I think I have accomplished for myself. 

I know, I know. You're probably thinking, "Why would you wanna be more domestic?!".. but I just do. While I was in the middle of cleaning my kitchen.. I felt like such a failure. I'm always the one out of all of my friends that gets to say I grew up with a dishwasher along with a momma who didn't trust using it. I've posted about feeling like I really couldn't use it and still feel connected to the cleaning soul that is my momma. It's hard for me to feel accomplished (please don't take that offensively) after a good meal, then not hand-washing my dishes. I always feel so much more domestic when I've scrubbed my kitchen.. from counters to floor, from sink to stove, starting from dishes, ending in putting the left over food in the fridge. It's just such a good routine I've had my whole life and part of me sees it disappear every single time I use a spray Clorox cleaner or load the dishwasher. Maybe I'm a little crazy? Who knows. 

And if it's not enough to stop in the middle of cleaning my kitchen to blog, here are a few other failures I'm not too proud to admit:
The kitchen cart goes unpainted. Sigh.
The rest of the house goes unvacuumed. Yep, that's me.. 
leaving the cord unrolled. Sigh.
Some clothes still haven't been put away.  I hang dry some clothes on my kitchen table chairs.. am I the only one who does?! And I'm semi ashamed to admit a couple (or three) of those clothing items are still sort of folded on the couch.. 
And the last failure of them all.. that's a lie I keep telling myself, I still haven't put my make-up away (still on the bathroom counter) and I still haven't put Trey's razor back in the box and in the cabinet.. I accidentally let all of the flowers in the house die. And I mean ALL of them. Every single flower in this house is dead and I just painfully let them stay in the vases without throwing them out. It's just too much.

So, the next time that you're seriously doubting yourself for your house being a wreck or your desk being totally and completely unorganized, just think of me. My life feels like one hot mess at least once or twice a week but all I can really help but think is that I'm totally happy with my life. So the carpets went one more day unvacuumed. So I haven't mopped the floors in days, and I do mean days.. So I still haven't even started packing for our big move. Tonight I will just focus on the fact that I made it through Monday.. because as much as I'd like to be like those girls who post on Instagram how great Monday's are and how wonderful their weeks started, I'm still the girl who wore no make-up to work today, went to work with my hair still wet and still managed to be 3 minutes late. 

Happy Monday! 
I hope you can be happy in all of life's little failures and messes. 

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