Wednesday, September 11, 2013

For once.

If I haven't ever told you, my name is Vicky. I'm 22, married and have two dogs. On Monday through Friday you can find me at my full-time job behind a desk that I've called mine for nearly 3-1/2 years. The rest of the time you can find me at home, trying to do all of the DIY stuff I find on Pinterest -- or worse, watching the 3rd hour of Breaking Bad (a horrible show that my husband and I have found we're addicted to) and eating popcorn on my couch.  I was born in November and I went to a local university where I received a Bachelor of Arts with the most general degree you can get. 

When I say it like that, I often wonder where that leaves me. I still struggle day-to-day with "Who am I?" "How am I contributing?" "What could I do to make this world better?". I hardly ever have an answer for any of those and sometimes I wonder what it really is that I want to do to make the world better. 

Sometimes in small towns, people feel there's a line-up for being married. She graduated high school at 18, now it's time to move along to a 4 year college. She finished up college so now it's time to move onto grad school (which I didn't do -- :| ) and after that 1-2 years of grad school, she's supposed to have a career. After her career she's supposed to get married. After marriage she's supposed to have puppies. Then children.Then more children. Then..


Sometimes I find myself looking so far into the future that I can't even focus on what I want to eat for lunch. And if you're wondering.. I didn't do any of the things I mentioned above -- at least not in that order. I graduated when I was 17, went straight to college. Halfway through college, I realized I wanted to go to bible school. So halfway into my sophomore year, I picked up and moved to Columbus, Texas where I would later be part of the 19th graduating class for Texas Bible Institute. I immediately came back home and picked back up with school. I graduated a few years later.

If you noticed, I said I'm 22 and married. Which means somewhere in between all of that learning, I got married. I was 20 and he was my high school sweetheart. So.. sort of doing things by the book. High school grad, college, bible college, marriage, graduation, puppies -- BOOM. Life. And then comes the dreaded question I hear at least once a week.. "When do you two plan to have babies of your own?", since - if you don't know me - I'm sort of obsessed with my niece, Lyric. I'm always taking pictures with her, talking about her and sort of still trying to figure out ways I can kidnap her without worrying my sister. I don't know how anyone couldn't adore her. She's seriously the funniest kid I know and she won't even be a year old until next month. Wow.

But when I hear people ask that -- over and over and over -- I often wonder myself, "When will Trey and I have littles?" I don't suppose I have an actual, valid answer. I feel like we just got married yesterday, even though this Summer we reached our 2 year mark.

Um, am I supposed to have an answer right now?

No. No, I don't think I am. I'm okay with learning who my husband is, still. Heck! I'm still learning who I am. The sooner I get myself figured out (which may take years, who knows?!) the sooner I can start leaving my mark on this world. I can't leave a mark somewhere if I haven't a clue who I am yet.

So, for once. I'd like to take this time to say no, I don't know who I am. I don't have children. I don't know what my career will be. I don't know where Trey and I will be in 5 years. I don't know.

And for once, I think it'll be okay.

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