Sunday, March 1, 2015

Finding purpose.

It's near 11 pm on a Sunday night and I'm watching Sisterhood 2, just having finished a really lousy grilled cheese and pickle. I can't remember the last time I had a grilled cheese but I'm sure it was better than the one I made tonight. 

This movie always makes me rethink what I'm doing. Or maybe my goals. Rethink my goals. I always think, why don't I just know like Tibby, Lena, Bridgette or Carmen what I want to do in life? Actually, my friends used to always refer to me as the 'Carmen' of our circle because I was always reading or writing. I am still always envious of the people who solidly know what they'd like to do with their lives. 

Can I go to an archaeology camp like Bridgette? Or take a figure drawing class like Lena? Or why couldn't I even have messed up because my actors fell out of love, failed my class and had to stay for film Summer school like Tibby? Why couldn't I just know what I wanted to do when I was in college? Sometimes I ask these things because I genuinely don't know what I'll end up doing; what career path I'll choose. I work clerical and administrative and a lot of my friends assume that's what I'll do forever. That's wonderful for a lot of people, but I'd like to be someone who wears a lot of hats. 

I'd like to do civil service and help Vets get their compensation that they so rightfully deserve. I'd like to work for non-profit organizations and help victims who have been trafficked. I'd love to open shelters with soup kitchens for the homeless. There are many different hats of service I would love to wear. But mostly, I want to write about my experiences. 

I am so grateful for this blog. It's given me the opportunity to do just that. I've been able to write to you about nights when I feel most like my mother. Nights when my dad has taught me something new. My life with Trey is what I write the most about and I'm grateful for anyone who will listen. Ha! I love that man so much. But I do hope that one day I'll be able to write about a great number of people; different cultures other than my own and their experiences, as well. 

Tonight, I'm kind of blogging out loud, trying to find some purpose. The one consistency in my life is this blog. It never gives up on me ;) so while I'm trying to find some purpose, some fulfillment, I'm very thankful to share my thoughts with you all. Whoever and wherever you are. 

Hope you've had a great weekend. 
Happy Sunday!

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