A girl and her kitchen.

Tonight I realized something about myself. I feel like most days I'm a free spirit. I do whatever I want, whenever I want and I only look for my husbands nod of approval. Most people would argue and say that's probably not right -- that women shouldn't even look for any man's approval. But.. that's just who I've grown to be. I like when my husband tells me it's okay to do something.

"It's okay the bed wasn't made today"

"It's okay you forgot to take off your mascara last night"

"It's okay you ate that brownie"

"It's okay you didn't want to fix your hair today"

"It's okay".

And maybe most days he doesn't exactly say all of that verbatim.. but at the end of every sentence he will do this nod thing. And he slightly presses his lips together at the same time. The whole thing is just so playful and forgiving, even when I can't forgive myself for not doing the things I was raised to do.

For starters, your bed should be made before you leave in the morning for work (or whatever it is that you have to leave and do). And maybe that isn't a rule in every household, but my momma liked it that way. And naturally, now, so do I. Other things include.. wipe down the table after dinner, pull the shower curtain when you're finished, find something to rest cooking utensils on so they aren't leaving a mess on the stove, sweep after you've finished in the kitchen, wipe down the counters in the bathroom etc., etc. But the biggest thing I ever took into marriage with me was: Don't use the dishwasher. It doesn't always clean the dishes all the way.

I'll be the first to tell you -- I've been hand washing my dishes since I was a little girl. In some ways, I've brought my momma into my kitchen with me on nights she really can't be there. It's therapeutic in other ways. I can play music (or not) and just do the dishes. And when they're all done, there's a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes, it just makes me feel domestic. I love my momma. She taught me how to be a wife and a good housecleaner. But the thing about it is,

sometimes I'm really exhausted.

Anyone else ever feel that way? I've noticed lately the dishes have just piled up, I'll shamefully admit, for days. And as embarrassing as it is when people drop by.. I just can't make myself wash them every single time. A friend of mine came to visit this passed weekend and she taught me how to load and start the dishwasher. I wasn't ashamed of not using it.. I just never knew how and never cared to. I think part of me gave up on hand washing every single night and was determined to just have my kitchen clean. After all, that is the goal. I just want my kitchen clean every night so when I go to throw out coffee grounds in the morning my trash can (and kitchen) won't reek of remnants from the night before. Is that too much to ask?

So, that being said, tonight was the first night that I loaded the dish washer all by myself. I reluctantly told Trey, "I never wanted to be that girl that didn't hand wash her dishes.. the one who relied on the dishwasher always". And you know what he said? It's okay.

Even though I'm a free spirit (or so I say), I'll always be the girl who listens to her momma. Just a girl and her kitchen.. hand washing all of the dishes -- but occasionally using the dishwasher.

:)